A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home
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Boy: what will u give me as reward if I climb Mountain Everest? Girl: A push.
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New style of proposing a girl: I have spent many sleepless nights in your love, and I don’t want my son to do the same for your daughter, so lets make them brother and sister.
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People who do lots of work, make lots of mistakes,
people who do less work, make less mistakes, people who do no work,
make no mistakes, people who make no mistakes, get promoted.
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Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, just a radio with sports car around it
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A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, “Send me a brother”. Santa wrote back, “Send me your mother”
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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Can I go to the theater? A mosquito asked to her mother. “Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.”
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Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner, AMEN
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GUY: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
GAL: If I see you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
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A friend is: who lends you… Pen in school… notes in high school…
bike in college… girlfriend in University…
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One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”
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A woman was found dead in her home today! She was discovered in her bath tub which was filled with milk and cornflakes, the police suspect a cereal killer!
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Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids are beating our kids.
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Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going???
---
Be careful when a guy tells you that he loves you from the bottom of his heart. For this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.
---
Why men are like commercials? Because you can’t believe a word they say.
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We have a quiet home life. I don’t speak to her and she doesn’t speak to me.
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What does black and white and goes bang bang bang? A nun falling downs a stairs.
---
“What are 3 words you never wanna hear while making love?”
“Honey, I’m home!”
---
Why are Egyptian’s children always confused? Because after death,
their daddy becomes the mummy
---
“Why did you hit your husband with a chair?”
“I couldn’t lift the table”
---
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
---
One out of 4 people is a Chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
---
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?
---
“Can you do anything that other people can’t?”
“Sure, I can read my handwriting.”
---
A man got himself a puzzle game. It took him one hard year to finish it. He was so proud of himself because on the side of the box, it said 2 – 3 years.
---
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
---
Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
I went over. Nobody was home
---
Boy: what will u give me as reward if I climb Mountain Everest? Girl: A push.
---
New style of proposing a girl: I have spent many sleepless nights in your love, and I don’t want my son to do the same for your daughter, so lets make them brother and sister.
---
People who do lots of work, make lots of mistakes,
people who do less work, make less mistakes, people who do no work,
make no mistakes, people who make no mistakes, get promoted.
---
Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, just a radio with sports car around it
---
A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, “Send me a brother”. Santa wrote back, “Send me your mother”
---
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
---
Can I go to the theater? A mosquito asked to her mother. “Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.”
---
Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner, AMEN
---
GUY: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
GAL: If I see you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
---
A friend is: who lends you… Pen in school… notes in high school…
bike in college… girlfriend in University…
---
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”
---
A woman was found dead in her home today! She was discovered in her bath tub which was filled with milk and cornflakes, the police suspect a cereal killer!
---
Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids are beating our kids.
---
Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going???
---
Be careful when a guy tells you that he loves you from the bottom of his heart. For this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.
---
Why men are like commercials? Because you can’t believe a word they say.
---
We have a quiet home life. I don’t speak to her and she doesn’t speak to me.
---
What does black and white and goes bang bang bang? A nun falling downs a stairs.
---
“What are 3 words you never wanna hear while making love?”
“Honey, I’m home!”
---
Why are Egyptian’s children always confused? Because after death,
their daddy becomes the mummy
---
“Why did you hit your husband with a chair?”
“I couldn’t lift the table”
---
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
---
One out of 4 people is a Chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
---
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?
---
“Can you do anything that other people can’t?”
“Sure, I can read my handwriting.”
---
A man got himself a puzzle game. It took him one hard year to finish it. He was so proud of himself because on the side of the box, it said 2 – 3 years.
---
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
---
Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
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